Why I Need to Focus More on Myself in Prayer

Prayer has many different facets, and I don't mean to oversimplify this complex spiritual discipline. However, I notice that most of my prayer life is focused on God. Now, the fact that He's the One that I'm addressing is certainly part of the issue, and not something that I'm looking to change. But it's more than that--my prayer life heavily focuses on Him. A good thing, you might think? Here are some snippets:

• God, finances are a little tight. Could YOU give me some more money?
• God, I'm starting to feel a bit sick. Could YOU heal me?
• God, my friend/wife/kids/neighbors/random person that I encounter in my life is starting to annoy the heck out of me. Could YOU make them less annoying? Or, I guess if YOU need to, give me more patience? Or, could YOU help them to see how wonderful I am so that they serve me instead of annoying me?
• God, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go next. Could YOU show me what YOUR will is for me?
• God, I'm feeling a bit down and frustrated. Could YOU make everything better?

As you can see from those brief snippets, my prayer life is very God-focused. I am quite concerned that God fix, heal, provide, change, lead, etc., and I understand the power of God enough to know that He's able to do these things. So I focus on Him... on Him making things better for me.

Now, I want to be clear that I firmly believe God invites us to bring our problems, our fears, and concerns to Him. But He is also sovereign. The fact that He's sovereign means, at the very least, that He's allowed the financial difficulty, the sickness, the annoyance, the confusion, and the emotion into my life. Is He able to take it away? Sure. Is He able to change the situation? Of course. Is He able to make my life more comfortable? Absolutely. But is that His primary goal in this thing that I'm going through? I'm not so sure...

I realize more and more all the time that God's primary focus is not my personal comfort and happiness. There are larger things afoot, and while I might get to be a part of them, I'm not always the focus of them. While I'm concerned that my sickness be healed, God's concerned about having yet another witness of grace and peace to my doctor. While I'm concerned about financial struggles, God's concerned about creating in me compassion for the situation in my neighbor's life that I'm going to encounter 20 years down the road. Of course, my view isn't big enough to see these things, and so it requires a stretching of my faith to trust God in the midst of them. 

So that's why I need to focus more on myself in prayer. Instead of asking God to fix it, I'm starting to ask God to help me not to miss it. 

All too often, when faced with suffering or pain, my primary goal is to get out of it as quickly as possible. On the other hand, when faced with joy or blessing, my primary goal is to enjoy it as long as possible. What if, in both suffering and in blessing, God is at work doing something greater? And what if, by focusing on my own situation, I'm missing it? So I'm shifting my prayer, in the midst of both joy and pain, and asking God for the grace not to miss the larger purposes that He is at work doing in my life.

"It was for the joy set before Him [that Jesus] endured the cross, despising the shame, and is [now] seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2)

The short view of my life leads me to focus on God--how He can fix my problem and make me more comfortable. The long view of my life leads me to focus on my own heart--what God is doing through the situation at hand that is meant to form me, and to make me a blessing to the world around me. That's a kind of self-focus of which I don't think I need to repent.