Real Rest

What do you do when you're totally wiped out? I don't just mean that you've had a long day, but more like a long week or series of months. The kind of bone-weary that comes from too much work, too little sleep, too much stress, and too little margin. Bone-weary isn't quite right... more like brain-weary. The kind of weary where even sleep only helps so much - not only is it hard to wind your mind down enough to actually get sleep, but when you do, it feels like your brain revs up in its subconscious state and morning just brings everything back full force. 

What do you do when you're that kind of wiped out?

I've been there. In the last year or so, more often than I'd like to admit. Times when the weight I was feeling seemed to be bigger than the God I was serving, and there seemed to be no answers in sight. The reality is that most of life is like that, if we allow ourselves to go there. I think about the suffering and pain of those around me, I pray into the weight that is on the shoulders of those I love and care deeply about, I look at the obstacles that seem to be blocking the path in front of me in just about every direction, and I can very easily get weary. Bone-weary. Brain-weary.

I would love to say that my response is, like the hymn writer opines, to "take it to the Lord in prayer." And that truly does happen... but it doesn't always provide the magical elixir that lifts the burden. So then what? Like many, I suppose, I look for ways to rest my mind. Staring at a game on the television, or if I'm really desperate, playing one on the iPad. Eating food that I don't want or need. Surfing the internet. Mindlessly flipping through Facebook posts about how everyone else's life is better than mine. Or worse in that one specific moment--LOL, SMH--and then magically better. I excuse it all with the reasoning that my mind simply needs a break. 

But here's the hard question that I need to honestly answer: Does any of that actually help? When my heart and mind is weary, does sending them on a mini-vacation by trying to numb them with vacuous entertainment actually get me anywhere? If I'm honest, which is a difficult task at times, the answer is no. I turn off the TV, shut the laptop, toss the dishes in the sink, and I still don't feel refreshed.

The other day I came across John 4, the story of Jesus encountering the Samaritan woman at the well.  If you don't know the story, it's well worth taking a few minutes to read--grab your Bible, open a tab for Bible Gateway, or whatever. It's a chapter that I've probably read 100 times. But in my bone-weary, brain-weary state, I noticed something I hadn't really paid attention to before: When Jesus stopped at the well in Samaria, He was exhausted. (John 4:6) Probably bone-weary and brain-weary. Being able to see the true reality of the world around Him, I would think far more weary than I ever am. How did He respond? 

He engaged this desperate woman in conversation, which is the very thing I would avoid like the plague in that state. If I had seen her coming, I'm certain I would have found a reason to slip away to do some window shopping at a nearby stand, or at least would have carefully inspected the dirt on the far side of the well. Literally the last thing I would have done is start a conversation with an emotionally needy lady. Recognizing her neediness and His weariness, there are lots of ways to read their interaction--it could be that in the midst of His weariness, this was a point of temptation for Jesus in some way or another. How does He respond? By pointing to work of God in the world. By explaining the gospel to her in a way that she could understand. By loving her and valuing her in a way that likely no one else in her life ever had before.

By the time the disciples get back, the conversation is wrapping up. They know how exhausted Jesus is, so they offer Him some comfort food. "Hey Jesus--not sure why you're talking to that woman, but how about some mashed potatoes and gravy? That makes everyone feel better." His response is striking: "I have food you don't know about." (John 4:32) Through the narration, we've been privy to this entire scene, and He hasn't had any mashed potatoes. What gives? "My nourishment comes from doing the will of God who sent me." (John 4:34)

Could it be that when we're bone-weary and brain-weary, that numbing our hearts and minds isn't actually what we need, but rather, we need to activate them?

I'm certainly not suggesting we shouldn't rest, but rather, that we're resting wrongly. Or at least I am. Filling my moments with mindless entertainment doesn't actually help. However, pushing to truly engage the will and work of God actually does feed me. Whether it's talking to the needy person I encounter or simply filling my mind and heart with the Word and worship of God, there is a way that I can actually be refreshed.

We, too, can have secret food. Stealthy nourishment, unknown to outside observers. Food that can bring us joy, even in the midst of that bone-weary, brain-weary state.

Rest, friend. Rest.